Term tests: Bloody aftermath

Term tests are over... but i feel like the mugging has just started

Everything was a big wake up call. I can point my finger at what took away my studying time: church, carolling, c.d.s., lack of sleep, guitaring,....

but i got no one else to blame but myself for not working as hard as i could.

I mean, i saw how good i can be at studying. Towards the last few days i could chiong pretty well. But its not enough to just wake up before the tests/exams itself. I had this problem since primary school. Just about every (maths) teacher has scolded me for only paying attention and working hard towards the end. Well i guess i got to stop being so immature and finally face reality: i have to study everyday. Im most likely at the bottom of the class, and probably around the bottom of the whole course too.

Not that i'm not capable of getting good grades

I'm prepared to face the result. I know i will DEFINITELY fail DFund because i totally neglected that subject. I'm prepared for a 2-hour long lecture from my mother and "that look" from my father when the see the results. I'm prepared to get admonished by all the tutors. I'm prepared to, well, die. I deserve it after all.

Its not like i'm gonna cry about it or whatever. Thats the stupid way to work things out. I'm pass that long time ago. I just need to buck up. I'm hoping that my friends around me can provide some kind of accountability in terms of studying. They have been doing a good job waking me up at lectures so far. Keep it up guys! ;)

There is only one thing that I'm really depressed about: I can kiss university dreams goodbye. You guys can have those places. Theres not a cat in hell chance i can catch up with everyone in two years. Uh well. Life sucks. Shit happens. Bear with it. :)